Drunk and Disorderly

It was a glorious afternoon on the Sun Tran.

A man stumbled onto the bus, stood in front of the driver for awhile, then proceeded to find a seat.

"Hey this bus costs $1.50, if you don't have it, go sit down (pointing back at the bus stop) and relax....do you have $1.50?"

"Yes I do" as he pulls out a sandwich from his pocket. Of course the bus driver keeps asking for the $1.50 and telling him he has to get off if he doesn't have the money and that he is making the route late.

He wavers there for awhile longer and finally pulls out a few passes. The bus driver swipes the first one for him and exclaims that it is expired. The second one works so the driver tells him to go sit down and relax. The dude, we'll call him Drunk and Disorderly, takes a step and then tries to lean against the bus driver. Of course the driver tells him to go sit down and the people in the first few seats of the bus scramble to move out of his way. He yells over and over that he is sorry in a very pathetic drunk voice.

As he sits down he yells to the driver to take him to TMC. "Take me to TMC!" The bus driver confirms that yes, the bus does go there, so he should relax and he'd get him there. More apologies follow.

"God bleeeeess America. Home that I love." He was loudly singing.

As he started slumping over in his seat, the girl across from him offered him her bottle of water and he graciously accepted it and then apologized again. He tried to repay her by asking her if she wanted a cigarette and she could could smoke it out the back door. She declined.

Drunk and disorderly yelled to the bus driver again that he wanted off at Beverly. The bus driver was getting angry. The guy kept singing, then beating his hand on a bar screaming "YES!" At this point, Mr. No Cell Phone, who had been sitting next to him got up and moved. Even Mr. No Cell Phone was getting weirded out.

As Drunk and Disorderly kept singing, the bus driver warned him that he needed to be quiet or he would kick him off the bus. He shot back with "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The bus driver immediately pulled over and angrily approached him. "What did you just tell me???" After a minute or so he replied meekly "that I'd be quiet?" In a slight questioning tone. The driver continued to tell him that if he couldn't talk to him like that, he needed to be quiet or would be kicked off. A man from the back of the bus bravely came forward to tell the bus driver that he would be his witness if things got ugly or if he needed help kicking him off.

As soon as the bus started again, Drunk and Disorderly started singing again and then making fart noises with his mouth. Bus driver had had it. At the next stop, the driver went back to kick him off the bus, physically if necessary. Mr. No Cell Phone, with all his tact, says to the bus driver in the middle of all this "Hey I know you!"

Drunk and Disorderly immediately tells Mr. No Cell Phone "He don't fuckin care!! He wants me off this bus!"

Someone in the back was on the phone with the police department exclaiming a man was drunk and disorderly resisting getting kicked off the bus.

When the driver had Drunk and Disorderly almost out the back door, he pitifully was asking "where am I?? I need to go to TMC. Where am I now?" But he eventually went and sat down on the bus stop yelling "he don't fuckin care!"

This had left all the bus riders all riled up and applauding the bus driver exclaiming that "you gotta do what you gotta do!" and "one bad apple fuckin spoils it for the rest of us!"

Indeed.

Oh Tucson.